I have issues with cell phones, anyone who knows me well can attest to that. Whether it be blamed on bad luck or simply planned obsolescence, I always seem to find myself holding a defunct piece of hardware. Of course I will admit that I did manage to keep my first Samsung Alias in working condition for around a year, but after that point I had to exchange it multiple times at my friendly Verizon store at the North/Clybourn stop here in Chicago. Ironically, that same El stop is now being given a multi-million dollar renovation thanks to the gentrification efforts of Verizon’s biggest cell phone hardware rival, Apple.

I considered for years adopting an iPhone, but in the beginning it was clear that the phone’s first generation was too buggy for my tastes. Then the 3G came out, and I reconsidered for a moment. That is, until I spoke with the multitudes of friends who found themselves locked into multi-year contracts with AT&T. They all rued and lamented the cell phone provider’s service and horrid customer support. Apparently the iPhone and its carrier were not a match made in heaven. Then the 3GS came out, but I had already given up hope and decided to move myself into a smart phone without the Apple emblem (for many reasons, including the want to not support any form of technological monopoly).

So, I turned off my Alias for greener pastures. I settled on a BlackBerry and retained my always trusty Verizon network. It took me a while to choose a handset. I wasn’t happy with the choices laid out in front of me because the 8330 Curve was certainly on the brink of fossilization, and I certainly didn’t want to land myself in the realm of the first BlackBerry Storm. Sadly, my hopes of having a smart phone were dashed by lack of choices.

I moved myself into an LG enV Touch. We were happy together for a while…a very short while. Then RIM released the BlackBerry Tour 9630 and I traded up.

Having a BlackBerry opened up a whole new world to me. I was finally able to be productive on the go. I felt cool, I felt fast and I felt important. Until my new love started to show signs of being less than perfect. The trackball began to freeze and falter. I did some research and discovered that RIM had released the first batch of Tours with faulty hardware. It seemed my curse remained.

I returned my first Tour but wasn’t ready to give up hope. They sent me a new one within two days. For some reason I couldn’t activate it the way their explicit instructions stated. I called customer service. They were stumped. The new handset was even buggier than the last and a short hour after removing it from its box, I was told another new Tour was on its way, overnight.

Then came the third BlackBerry Tour. It seemed to work…most of the time. Then a week ago I noticed the trackball and firmware weren’t playing nice. Over half the time I couldn’t use the phone to play music. I had to hard boot the system by doing a “battery pull” which is the only way to restart my Tour. It takes nearly five minutes for it to completely come back to life.

Then last Friday the phone developed a very noticeable bunch of squiggly lines on the lower part of the right screen. I took it to two Verizon stores, attempting to find a way out of the Tour. At the first store I was told that the manager needed to input certain codes to refund me and move me into a different phone. So, I went to the second store hoping to find a manager to solve the issue. The manager there only agreed to send me another Tour.

I am now on my fourth BlackBerry Tour. It has been active for under 48 hours and already I’m not receiving text messages or calls, and email comes erratically.

I’m hoping that after four mishaps I will be allowed to get out of this madness and into something that actually works as it is supposed to. However, I’m not holding my breath.